Blanket Comments on Working Draft #6

Don't stop working on your essays just because you finished one draft. It takes a long pull to get there. Huh!

To those who didn't do their two peer reviews:

Tom Cruise has something to say to you. Unless of course you didn't have the draft to review. Which brings me...

To those who didn't submit a draft:

Lily Allen has something to say to you.

To those who are making no reference to any of the sources, or barely referencing them:

The Beatles have something to say to you.

To those who are making no analysis of any specific features of the play, or barely analyzing them:

Bad Religion has something to say to you.

To those who need to cite sources more carefully:

If you didn't live in Charleston in the 1920s, I'm guessing you didn't know that the real life neighborhood Gershwin is referencing is called "Cabbage Row." I didn't. So this fact must have come from somewhere.

"In Gershwin’s final words, he required that an all black cast always perform Porgy and Bess." Likewise.

To those making frequent use of words like "clearly" and "obviously":

It probably isn't clear or obvious; it probably needs to be clarified and made obvious. By you.

To those who need to be careful about accidentally sliding into free indirect discourse:

"To black men, women merely exist to raise children and work on house chores." I'm guessing you mean, according to the way it is shown in the opera, or even, according to a common cultural stereotype. Are you really making this claim about all black men?

To those who need to do some brief research on African-American playwrights:

"Some people would argue to stage a different play that could still present an African-American as the lead, such as Shakespeare's Othello." Othello is similarly complicated by racial stereotyping, and written by someone with zero knowledge of actual black people. The hypothetical person making this argument would probably think of something other than Othello.

To those who are still scarred by a high school English teacher who forbade you to use personal pronouns in your essays:

"Though there are many counterarguments against showing the opera, they are opposed by a general belief that the play is not meant to offend, and should therefore be showed. The committee will not be led to believe the opera is completely void of any racist factors..." Not lead to believe by whom? By you. I hereby release you from this absurd requirement.

"When taking into account the historical context, musicality and satirical aspects of Gershwin’s controversial Porgy and Bess, a staging of the play at UCI would be appropriate because it is a glorification of the race rather than a racist representation." Who is taking it into account? I'm guessing you are. So why not say so? I hereby release you from this absurd requirement.

To those who need to work harder to find logical connections between the points they make:

"Many people find the opera to be offensive as it presents negative black stereotypes. It has also been questioned for its authenticity as Gershwin only spent a week in Charleston, South Carolina to use as the basis for his opera." If the portrayal of the characters is not authentic, what is it? Probably stereotypical. These are two sides of the same coin.

"From a moral standpoint, the play even has an ironic ending. Sportin’ Life, one of the antagonists, wins Bess instead of Porgy. This may deter audiences further from coming to the play." Don't they have to see the play in order to know the ending?

To those who need to get their facts straight:

"In this scene, the neighborhood women are sitting and working on crops together. Regardless of whether they are working for their 'owners' or harvesting food for themselves, they are joining together and making the best of what they’ve got." The opera is set in the post-slavery era, although it is true that the economic relationships in the agricultural south remain similarly exploitative.

"When Porgy and Bess debuted in 1935 many considered it to reinforce negative stereotypes of blacks in the Great Depression era... such as Harold Cruse in "The Crisis of the Negro Intellectual."
This book was written in 1967. For that matter, "many" is probably wrong here, as the opera's bad reputation mostly grew later.

"Entertainers such as the Jewish American Al Jolson, too, brought forth a different type of racial labeling with 'blackface' make-up."
Minstrel shows were fairly common by the 1840s... you make it sound like Jolson et. al invented this form of humor.

"Gershwin, the writer of this opera, revealed to the audiences the marvel of African American singers and actors at the peak of the Harlem Renaissance at an insensitive time period." Perhaps I should have emphasized the collaborative nature of the production more. Both George and Ira Gershwin were involved, as well as Dubose Heyward, the writer of the original Porgy and Bess story. Ira G. and Heyward wrote the lyrics; George G. wrote the music. Though as de composer, George G. was de main boss.

To those who are totally gonna get smacked down in Pravda:

"The appropriateness of the work should not be considered solely in terms of political or moral criteria but also on its value as a work of art."

To those who may not live in the same world as I do:

"We now live in an era in which we have moved beyond serious racial stereotyping." Really?

The sentence doctor:

"The opera based on lifestyles of African-Americans in the 1920s in Cabbage Row, created many controversies, mostly about racism, and other issues that are overlooked such as sexism." How could a controversy be overlooked? That's a contradiction in terms. This is also a parallelism error, and should read, "about racism, and about other issues..."

"Although it brings up many common social stigmas, the musical collection that sews the story together has been what many people have praised Gershwin on." This sentence is a mess. Simplify. Though some criticize the libretto of P & B for falling into common racial stereotypes, the opera has more often been praised for the quality of music.

"In an article written by Richard Crawford, explaining the background of Porgy and Bess, he notes that..." The extraneous "he" is a sentence-killer. How about just In an article explaining the background of P & B, RC notes that...

"In a review written by Olin Downes in October 11, 1935, he praises Gershwin’s smart choice of actors and the lyrical success of the music." Ditto. In a 1935 New York Times review, Olin Downes praises Gershwin's smart choice...

"Many scenes also depict blacks as being gambling, religious, and having a desire to dance." This is another parallelism error. Look it up in your Easy Writer book. Also, being religious per se is not a stereotype. I'm not even sure gambling or dancing is. I think the point is that it may be a stereotype to depict black characters being incapable of reason; thus stereotypes of addiction to gambling, stereotypes of purely emotive religiosity, and stereotypes of sensual or lascivious dancing in lieu of other cultural activities.